October 15, 2009
It has been a less than pleasant few weeks. We found out around 3 weeks ago now that our baby had no heartbeat anymore. After many tears, an emergency surgery, and a lot of asking why, life is going on. Each day gets a little easier, but things are still confusing why they happened this way.
The first few days, I was so discouraged and didn't even want to utter the word Christmas, let alone think about decorating this year. Then, I had my emergency surgery Saturday morning because I wasn't being able to miscarry on my own, and I lost too much blood. In the ER, in the middle of the night, I nearly died. It was the single most scariest moment of my entire life. It was a rough weekend, but I was home by Sunday, and had a realtization--- Yes, I had lost my baby and that was devastating. That alone should make me not want to even think about celebrating my favorite holiday in just 11 weeks. But, I quickly realized I had things to be thankful for. I had my family; my loving husband, parents, sister, and countless others who have cried and prayed with us and been there for us... And I still had my life. Something that was nearly lost. I had been given another chance. That in itself is enough to make me remember the real reason of Christmas, and why we celebrate it.
I still wish we were going to be having our baby in April, and will never understand why things happened the way they did. The one comfort I do have is that our baby is in Heaven, waiting for the day we will meet.
We always try to do projects each Christmas for families in need. This year I feel even more reason to do so. We decided tonight, we are going to send 16 childrens stockings to a missionary couple we know. They sold everything and moved to Mexico a few years ago to be missionaries. They are doing a wonderful work, and we want to be able to bless other peoples' children. These kids might not have a Christmas otherwise, and we feel like it is a way we can bless them. The picture above is the stockings we bought tonight online. I look forward to filling them over the next couple of weeks and sending them.
